I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You dont lie about slip and slides
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
