oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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