Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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