being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
