all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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