Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
