Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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