How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize