dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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