I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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