I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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