Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
