if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
