i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
