maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
