Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
