I'm gonna have a badass scar
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
