4 words: hood of his car
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
