new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
