My first STD was from a foam party
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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