I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
