she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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