Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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