Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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