tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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