He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
