I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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