No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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