my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
