Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
