He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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