Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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