i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
