i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
