there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
