you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
