My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dignity is for republicans.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
