My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
