Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
