jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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