Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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