A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
