you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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