Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
