member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
