We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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