let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
