So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
