yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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