Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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