Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
