im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
