Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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