I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
