My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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