On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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