There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
