Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
