Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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