Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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