if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
