hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
