we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
